


Oh I'm a mess right now

by RighteousBlonde (AlasOpheliaDrowned)



Category: Shadowhunters (TV), The Shadowhunter Chronicles - All Media Types, The Shadowhunter Chronicles - Cassandra Clare
Genre: Alec is so soft, Alec wears turtlenecks, Boys In Love, Clary Fray & Alec Lightwood Friendship, Fluff and Angst, Fluff and Humor, How Do I Tag, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, M/M, Magnus Bane Is A Freewheeling Bisexual, Oblivious, They Are Idiots, Yes I know that it is my fault for writing it this way, okay I totally lied. There is angst, the whole shadow world would fall apart without Izzy, they are my brotp, why won't they just communicate???
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-06-22
Updated: 2019-07-13
Packaged: 2020-05-16 08:29:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 6,149
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19314424
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AlasOpheliaDrowned/pseuds/RighteousBlonde
Summary: Alec was fucked. Well and truly fucked. And not in the fun way.Alec was a shadowhunter, a trained warrior, a leader. He had stared down demons twice his size and walked away without a scratch on him. He might not have been the strongest shadowhunter (Jace) or the smartest (Izzy) but he was damn good at his job. He knew how to deal with danger in any form. What he did not know what to deal with was this. This being a cute mundane boy. A cute mundane boy who was currently looking up at him from under his lashes and asking if he could buy him a coffee.***Alec and Magnus meet in a cafe and fall in love, but due to lack of communication and Alec's turtlenecks neither of them realize the other is a part of the shadow world. This leads to a very large, but well intentioned mess.Basically the boys are hopeless and Izzy is the only reason the shadow world hasn't completely fallen apart.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you enjoy this :) I don't have a beta at the moment so I apologize for the grammar mistakes that have undoubtedly crept in.

Alec was fucked. Well and truly fucked. And not in the fun way.

Alec was a Shadowhunter, a trained warrior, a leader. He had stared down demons twice his size and walked away without a scratch on him. He might not have been the strongest Shadowhunter (Jace ,) or the smartest (Izzy ), but he was damn good at his job. He knew how to deal with danger in any form. What he did not know how to deal with was this. "This" being a cute mundane boy. A cute mundane boy who was currently looking up at Alec from under his lashes and asking if he could buy him a coffee.

A _new_ coffee as Alec’s first one was now forming a puddle under the cute boy’s feet, because Alec, a graceful _motherfucking Shadowhunter_ had tripped over his own feet and spilled his drink down this guy’s shirt. That would have been humiliating enough; but no, instead of letting Alec apologize and run away in embarrassment, the cute guy was now offering to buy _Alec_ a new drink as if this had somehow been his fault.

_How long was it appropriate to stare at someone in silence?_ Alec wondered. Going by the now slightly concerned look on the strangers’ face, it was less time then had passed already.

“It was just a thought,” the man said, now seeming slightly unsure. Alec’s panic increased as the man’s lips turned down at the corners-- _and what nice lips they were_. Alec scolded himself for that line of thought. He was a good Shadowhunter, a good _male_  Shadowhunter, and good male Shadowhunters did not think about the lips of beautiful men.

“Well,” the man went on as Alec continued to say nothing, “I suppose I’ll just be going then.” The man turned gracefully on his healed boot and started to walk towards café's door.

“No!” Alec yelped.

The man turned back to him, looking surprised; though not as surprised as Alec felt.

“Um…I…you coffee?” Alec stuttered, mildly horrified by the mess of words that had fallen out of his mouth. “I mean, I should buy _you,_ coffee,” He clarified, “To apologize.”

Something like amusement warmed the man’s face and his eyes lit up, drawing attention to the glitter rimming them. _By the angel he is beautiful._

The man held his own cup aloft “Well I still have my coffee, thankfully, but I wouldn’t object to a drink another time.”

“Okay,” Alec’s mouth was quick to say, not waiting for his brain to catch up.

“Wonderful!” The man smiled at Alec and he was helpless against it. “Call me and we can arrange a time.” With a last wink the man sauntered out the door into the waiting snow.

Alec watched him until he had turned a corner and passed out of sight. Then Alec looked down at the piece of paper clutched in his hand. There was a number on it, and underneath that, a name.

_Magnus._

  
***

“You’re distracted,” Izzy said as she stabbed a shax demon through the middle. She deftly stepped out of the way of the resulting spray of ichor and leveled Alec with an unimpressed look.

“No, I’m not,” he lied. Badly.

Izzy just looked at him.

Alec notched an arrow and let it fly, impaling a demon through the eye. “See,” he said, as if this had proved his point.

Izzy just rolled her eyes at him. Behind them Jace had finished off the last Shax demon and moved to join his siblings.

They had been on a standard patrol when Jace had decided that he no longer wanted to follow the route they had agreed on, and had promptly wandered into the nest of shax demons. There had been at least 10 of them, and the siblings were now covered head to toe in ichor. At least Jace and Alec were; somehow Izzy had managed to stay pristine, despite the fact that she had taken on five of the demons on her own.

“Why are you distracted man?” he asked. “Thinking about someone hot?”

“No!” Alec denied far too quickly. He could feel the blood warming his cheeks. He wondered if he could pass it off for the cold.

Izzy’s eyes lit up and Alec’s frown deepened.

“Oh my god! You totally are!” She squealed, gripping his arm. “Who is he?”

Alec stiffened, trying to tug away from her, but Izzy’s grip only tightened, her long nails digging into his arm through his sweater.

“Damn man! I was kidding but that’s awesome,” Jace said “It’s about time you met someone”

Alec only glared at them both.

“Do you have his number?” Izzy asked.

Alec’s hand drifted to his jacket pocket, betraying him.

“Are you going to call him?” Jace asked.

“I don’t know,” he sighed. He wanted to but…that’s not what he did. Maybe if he was Jace or Izzy he could indulge this reckless idea, but he was Alec. He was the responsible one, the one who cleaned up the messes, not the one who made them. And that’s what this would be. A mess. There was nothing else that could come from calling the mundane boy.

Izzy was looking at him in that way she had. She saw right through him, that much was clear. It was a talent of hers, knowing him better than he knew himself.

“You deserve to be happy big brother.” She said. As if it was that simple. It wasn’t of course.

“Yah, you need to let loose,” Jace added “That stick up your ass must get uncomfortable.” Izzy elbowed him hard in the ribs and Alec sent her a smile as thanks. The siblings fell silent as Alec fingered the paper in his pocket.

“We should get back to the institute,” was all he said.

“You are such a buzzkill,” Jace huffed. Izzy just looked at him with something like pity in her eyes. He turned away from her and started back towards the institute.

  
***

Alec was lying on his bed back in the institute unable to sleep. That wasn’t unusual in of itself, but the idea forming in his head most definitely was.

When he had gotten back to the institute his siblings had promptly disappeared, leaving him to deal with the paperwork and explain to Maryse why their simple patrol had gotten out of hand. Maryse was disappointed in him. She didn’t need to say it for him to know. Of course, she had said it anyways. She was disappointed that he didn’t have a better handle on Jace. Of course, she didn't blame Jace for his reckless behaviour, she blamed Alec.

That was the thing about being the oldest, about being in charge, he was the one that had to deal with the consequences. There was an injustice to it, he was always getting in trouble for the actions of his siblings. His mother had called _him_ reckless. When all he had done was chase after Jace and try to control the damage he had left in his wake. Sometimes he felt that that was how he would spend the rest of his life, trailing after his siblings, cleaning up after them.

He loved them, of course, and would happily carry this burden for them; but as he lay there staring at his ceiling, he wondered what it would be like to just do what he wanted, and damn the consequences. His mother would be disappointed in him if she knew what he was thinking, but then again, she had made it perfectly clear she already was. It was silly but part of him wanted to clean up his own mess for once, if it meant he could enjoy the making of it.

Izzy had told him he deserved to be happy. It wasn’t that simple but maybe he could pretend for a moment that it was, and he could deal with the rest later. _It’s just a coffee,_ he told himself, and he owed the man, Magnus. After all, Alec had definitely ruined the guy's shirt, and it had looked expensive. Alec scrubbed his hand over his face barely able to believe what he was about to do. Before he could talk himself out of it, Alec grabbed his phone from where it lay on his bedside table, and started to type.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I meant to have this up yesterday, but I got caught up with work (definitely not binge watching childrens shows on Netflix). Anyway I will try to post a new chapter every week.
> 
> Hope you enjoy!

Clary was smiling at him, her eyes bright. This had very clearly been a mistake. How Alec had thought, for even a moment, this idea could be anything else, he didn’t know. He had been out of options; Izzy was out, and while he could theoretically have asked Jace for help… yeah that was definitely not going to happen.

Clary, on the other hand, had been right there in the training room, working a punching bag, her tiny fists hitting the heavy leather with reverberating thwacks.

For a moment he had stopped to watch her, analysing her form. It wasn’t too bad all things considered. He still wasn’t convinced, though, that this tiny girl was actually a Shadowhunter.

Clary had arrived at the institute only a couple of months earlier, just a few weeks before her eighteenth birthday. The institute had taken Clary and her mother in, and ever since, the redhead had been nothing but trouble. Only days after the two women had appeared, Circle members had started emerging from the woodwork led by a very, not at all dead, Valentine. That might not have been Clary's fault, but the girl had proceeded to strut around the institute like she owned the damn place, ordering others around, and skipping off on unsanctioned missions. And that had caused Alec no end of headaches.

Alec would have taken the Circle members over this any day. He could shoot Circle members; he didn’t think his brother would be very happy with him if he shot Clary.

She was still smiling at him, her hands clasped together at her chest.

“Forget it,” he said, “I’ve changed my mind. I don’t need your help after all, so you can just go.”

He kept his voice void of any inflection, betraying nothing. Unfortunately, he could feel his ears heating up and had no doubt he was slowly turning pink.

Clary's eyes narrowed, and there was an intensity there that Alec would not have expected. Strangely it reminded him of Izzy, and he felt a sudden for the stubborn redhead bubble up, settling somewhere around his sternum. He tried to shake the feeling off.

“Alec,” she asked gently “is this your first date?”

Almost instantly the fondness in his chest was replaced by embarrassment. He opened his mouth to say something snippy, when she continued.

“I’m sorry,” she said, “I didn’t mean that to sound like an accusation. First dates are always scary, and I certainly haven’t gotten the impression the clave is very open minded when it comes to things like this. Or anything really.”

“I don’t know what you mean,” he said tensely.

“Yes, you do, and it’s fine. I’m not going to tell anyone. Not that it’s anything to be ashamed of anyway. You all act like mundanes are so beneath you, but at least most of them accept homosexuality. I mean, maybe not all of them, but more than your lot anyway.” She blew out her breath as her rant wound down. “I’m not going to judge you for who you love Alec,” she added softly.

“I don’t love him!" ALec quickly protested. "I just met him.” 

“But you like him,” Clary said.

“I just met him,” he replied stiffly.

“Yes, and you like him,” Clary said smiling. That glint was back in her eyes.

Alec let out a loud breath, hoping Clary wouldn’t take it for the admission it was.

Finally, the redhead turned her attention back to the clothing lying out on his bed, eyeing the pieces critically.

“Not a big fan of variation, eh?” she said smirking.

Alec looked down at the assortment of black turtlenecks laid out on his bed, along with a few pairs of black jeans. He could see what she meant, but all black was the unofficial shadowhunter uniform. It was good for blending in and ichor stains hardly stained it at all. Plus, this way Alec didn’t have to worry about matching anything, because everything already went together.

Clary had made her way over to his closet and was rifling through his things when her eye caught on the sleeve of a light blue sweater. “Oh! Colour!” she exclaimed. The sweater was one Izzy had gotten him for his birthday a couple of years back. It was one of his favourites, though he didn’t wear it often.

“Really?” came Clary’s voice as she pulled it fully out of the closet, “another turtleneck?”

“What? My neck gets cold,” he said defensively.

Clary just laughed. She held the sweater up to him and smiled, “Wear this one,” she said, “It brings out your eyes.”

Alec took the sweater from her and ran his fingers nervously over the hemline.

“You are going to be fine,” Clary reassured. “You are a catch, if he doesn’t like you, he’s crazy.”

Alec looked up at her. “Yeah?”

Clary nodded her head, bright red hair bouncing along with the movement. Alec looked at her for a moment.

“You stand with your feet too far apart when you hit,” he said. He ran his hand through his hair, rubbing the back of his neck. “I could help you with that some time, if you like.” He hoped she took it as the ‘thank you’ it was. Judging by the way her smile lit up her face, she did.

***

 _How early is too early?_ Alec wondered as he settled into a corner table at the café Magnus and he had agreed on for their date. It was a sweet little place. Alec had been here once or twice before, and he remembered their coffee being good. It was a little out of his way, but he preferred that. There was less chance of running into somebody he knew. He drummed his fingers absently on the table as he looked around at the café’s other patrons, just in case he had missed Magnus when he first came in. Not that it was likely Magnus would have arrived before Alec, what with being twenty minutes early and all.

Alec felt uncomfortable sitting at the table by himself. Was he supposed to get his drink now, or wait for Magnus? If he waited for Magnus, would the girl working behind the counter be annoyed with him not ordering anything? His palms started to sweat, and he looked around again. He pulled out his phone and checked the time. Ten minutes.

“Waiting for someone?”

Alec’s head shot up. The sight of Magnus stole Alec’s breath away. The shirt he was wearing was loose and shimmering, the top few buttons undone, revealing caramel skin. Alec’s mouth went dry; it was all he could do not to swallow his tongue.

“See something you like?” Magnus smirked.

“Yes.” Alec responded honestly. Magnus seemed slightly taken aback by his admission, though Alec couldn’t imagine why.

The two of them went up to the counter to order drinks, Magnus getting an “artisanal” tea Alec felt had more in common with a floral arrangement than a beverage, and Alec ordering a simple, if overly sweet, coffee.

Alec had been nervous on his way to the café and had been even more so when he arrived. The moment Alec had laid eyes on Magnus, however, all those nerves had disappeared, seemingly by magic. Now sitting across from him, listening to Magnus tell him a ridiculous story (involving the club he apparently owned, an escaped pet hedgehog, and three intoxicated police officers) Alec couldn’t remember the last time he had been this relaxed.

Of course, that was the exact moment that his phone when off. A message from Jace telling him he was needed back at the institute. He must have been glaring at his phone a little too intensely because suddenly Magnus’ hand was resting over his as he looked at Alec with obvious concern.

“Everything alright?” he asked gently.

Alec, who’s brain had short-circuited at the contact, scrambled to gather his thoughts. “Yeah it’s just work. I’m sorry. I have to go.”

“That’s completely alright Alexander.”

Hearing Magnus say his full name like that didn’t do things to him.

“I don’t think you mentioned where you work yet.”

Alec was still trying desperately to think of an answer. He didn’t think _I am part of an angel blooded warrior race sworn to defend the world from demons_ was something he could bring up on a first date. He didn’t even know his full name yet. His thoughts drifted back to the story Magnus had told him earlier. “I work in law enforcement.” He said. _There, that’s not too bad. It’s kind of true._

“A police officer?”

Alec felt himself nod.

“Well, I do like a man in uniform,” Magnus said, smirking.

Alec went red again. It seemed he spent most of his time around Magnus impersonating a tomato.

“I should…yeah, I should go.” Alec turned to leave before turning back around and holding out his hand awkwardly.

Magnus just raised an eyebrow at him, clear amusement in his eyes. Alec kind of wanted the ground to swallow him whole, but before he could turn and run Magnus had pushed up on his toes slightly and planted a soft kiss on his cheek. Alec couldn’t stop the warmth that bloomed in his chest.

***

If he spent the whole of patrol that evening with a smile on his face, well, Izzy was kind enough not to comment, and Clary, just smiled back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just wanted to thank HopeSilverHeart for helping me out with this chapter, as well as fixing some of the mistakes in the previous one. Thank you!!!!
> 
> Hopefully I will see you all again next week.
> 
> Oh! and thank you so much for all the comments and kudos, they warm my heart. <3


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry about the delay. I am very bad at deadlines. This is mostly just a filler chapter so sorry about that. I was going to add more but I figured this is late enough as it is.

The next few days at the institute were hectic, to say the least. There had been an increase in demon activity in the area, as well as growing tensions with the local downworlders, as whispers of a Circle uprising spread. This, all coinciding with the return of his parents to Idris, left Alec feeling a tad overwhelmed.

It wasn’t his first time taking on the mantle of Acting Head of the Institute, but this was the first time Alec found himself not wanting to dedicate all his time to work.

He and Magnus were texting almost continuously. Well, mostly Magnus was texting, although Alec responded here and there whenever he could find a moment of peace, which was not often.

Magnus had seemed to accept that Alec was too caught up in work to meet with him again, but Alec couldn’t help feeling that Magnus thought he might just be avoiding him.

Alec's suspicions were confirmed when, after once again asking to postpone plans for lunch, Magnus had texted Alec letting him know that even though Magnus had enjoyed their date, there really was no pressure on Alec to go out again.

That just wouldn’t do.

Before Alec could second guess himself, he had picked up his phone to call Magnus. At the sound of Magnus’ voice on the other end Alec was temporarily struck dumb. It had been a little over a week since they had seen each other, and the memory of Magnus’ voice didn’t really hold a candle to the actual thing. Magnus had sounded almost unsure when he had answered, and Alec had been quick to reassure him that he most definitely wanted to go out on another date. In fact, it was pretty much all he could think about. At that Magnus had gone back to sounding like his confident self and Alec had to wonder if he had only imagined the insecurity colouring Magnus' voice.

The two had gone on to talk for a short while about nothing in particular, just listening to the other’s voice. When Magnus had started telling him about his cat, and what to expect when they met, that odd warm feeling had crept back into his chest. It was a little later, after they had hung up and Alec had gone back to organizing patrol schedules, that he decided it was his new favorite feeling.

After that, it became all too easy to call Magnus up whilst going through mindless paperwork. His soothing voice did wonders for keeping Alec sane. They had talked about many things, from their favorite books and music, to Alec’s siblings and Magnus’ friends. Now Magnus was telling Alec about an annoying client he had had earlier in the day. Alec really was trying to listen, but his thoughts kept drifting.

“Honestly I was about ready to tell him to just get out, payment be damned,” Magnus was saying. Alec made a noncommittal humming sound.

“My dear, is everything alright?”

Alec sighed “Yeah, no, I don’t know. Probably.”

“Well,” said Magnus, “that clears everything up, then.”

Alec huffed out a laugh. “It’s just, do you remember the new girl I was telling you about?” Magnus hummed. “Well my siblings insisted on taking her into the field and I’m not convinced it’s a good idea. The girl is desperate to prove herself, and I’m worried her recklessness will get them into trouble.”

Clary had all but begged him to let her go, and his siblings were quick to support her. Isabelle had made the most rational argument: maybe Clary didn’t have the same training as them, but she was an adult and she was smart, and Izzy and Jace would be there, two of the best Shadowhunters of their generation. Alec had relented, because of course he had. His sibling had seemed relieved, if not surprised. The mission seemed straightforward enough, though not exactly routine. It seemed a demon had been pedalling mundane blood. Alec had no doubt that Jace and Izzy could deal with it…but Clary was an unknown element and he didn’t like it.

He said as much to Magnus, minus the bit about the demon. Magnus had just listened, making comments where needed, and Alec... well it made something around the edges of him go soft. Nobody listened to him like this, with nothing but support. Izzy and Jace listened to him, but they also challenged him incessantly when it came to the rules, rolling their eyes whenever he said that the laws were there for a reason. His parents _never_ listened to him, not even a little.

“Darling, your siblings are professionals, are they not? I’m sure they will be fine.” Alec listened to Magnus’ reassurances and tried to let go of some of his anxieties, Magnus was right, his siblings were professionals, even if they did ignore laws like that was part of the job description. They would be fine.

“Hey, Magnus?” he asked.

“Yes, Alexander?”

“Um, well, I had been planning on joining my siblings…but since I didn’t…I have some free time now? We could maybe…get a drink? If you’re free?” Alec winced at his own words; they had seemed a lot smoother in his head.

Magnus just chuckled warmly. “Darling I would –- _shit_.” Magnus cursed under his breath. “I’m sorry, my dear, but tonight isn’t going to work.”

“Is everything okay?” Alec asked.

“Yes. It just seems I have a couple of unwanted guests at my club, but it’s nothing I can’t deal with.”

“If you’re sure…”

“I am. And if I do need help, I know exactly which dashingly handsome cop to call.”

Not for the first time Alec was glad to know Magnus wouldn’t be able to see him blush over the line.

“I really do have to go now though,” Magnus said. “Take care of yourself Alexander, and try not to worry too much. Text me when your siblings get back safe.” With that Magnus ended the call.

Alec listened to the dial tone for a few moments before laying his phone back on his desk. The thought of Magnus dealing with trouble of any sort filled him with unease. He had half a mind to go down to Magnus’ club himself to make sure everything was okay--not that he knew which club that was. He considered tracking him, but Alec didn’t have anything that belonged to Magnus. Also: that would probably be really creepy.

Magnus was right, he needed to stop worrying. He wasn’t helping anyone sitting in his office stressing.

Deciding he was done for the evening he stood up and stretched, hearing his back pop satisfyingly. He'd spent most of his day sitting behind his desk and wasn’t used to being so stagnant.

He wandered out of his office, closing the door behind him, and found himself nearing the training room. Figuring it was as good a stress reliever as he was going to find, he proceeded to wrap his hands, deciding to take his frustrations out on the punching bag.

Soon enough Alec had lost himself to the feel of the cracked leather under his knuckles, and the growing burn in his arms. Slowly but surely, his tension started to drain away.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks again to the lovely HopeSilverheart for reading this over for me and fixing my silly mistakes. 
> 
> See you later my lovelies, and thank you so much for all your comments and kudos! They warm my cold, dark heart.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay so I lied in the tags, there totally is angst. Whoops.

It was two weeks before Alec and Magnus managed to see each other again. They were at dinner at an Ethiopian place Magnus had chosen. It was fairly small, only ten or so tables, crammed together in a candle-lit room, underneath a tattoo parlor.

They had settled in together at a table in the back, facing the kitchen. It was a little cramped, but Alec wasn’t about to complain about that, not when it meant that his and Magnus’ knees were pressed together under the table.

Alec was running the silky fabric of the tablecloth between his fingers to try to distract himself from the warmth spreading through his body. It didn’t work. “Hi.” Alec said.

“You’ve said that already.” But Magnus was smiling at Alec almost helplessly. Alec just nodded. He knew he was probably being weird; he could imagine Izzy and Jace shaking their heads at him in disappointment, but he couldn’t help it. Something about being around Magnus turned Alec into an absolute fool. He was calm and stoic, a warrior and a leader, but when Magnus turned those warm brown eyes on him it was all he could do not to swallow his tongue. And now Alec was back to thinking about Magnus’ eyes.

“Something on your mind?” Magnus asked him.

“Yeah. You. You look amazing, Magnus.”

“Well thank you darling, you clean up rather nicely yourself.”

The two men went back to smiling at each other fondly.

Alec thought he could spend the whole evening just looking at Magnus.

The waiter arrived to take their drink order. Alec didn’t drink much; he had had a drink the night he turned twenty-one at his sibling’s insistence, but other than that he couldn’t remember the last time he had touched the stuff. He turned a somewhat helpless look on Magnus. “I’m not really sure what’s good,” he said.

“Do you trust me?” Magnus asked. Alec nodded at him and Magnus turned to the waiter and ordered a bottle of something he insisted was a wonderful vintage.

When the drinks arrived Alec eyed them nervously, much to Magnus’ amusement. He took a small cautious sip. It wasn’t awful. Maybe a bit bitter, but it was pleasantly warm on the way down his throat. He took another sip. Magnus smiled in satisfaction.

They followed the same procedure when ordering their food: Magnus taking the lead and ordering a variety of dishes Alec had never heard of.  When the dishes arrived—at least six of them—Magnus explained what they each were to Alec and how to go about eating them. Everything was delicious.

At first Alec had been hesitant about the lack of utensils, he really didn’t want to make a fool of himself in front of Magnus. He quickly gave up, though, on trying to eat delicately, instead focusing on the new flavours afforded to him. It wasn’t that food at the institute was bad per se, it was just that the shadowhunters were more concerned with maintaining a healthy diet than with the quality of the dishes. Focusing on style over substance was seen as frivolous in all walks of Shadowhunter life.

The conversation flowed easily between them, as did the wine, leaving Alec feeling warm and light. There was something about Magnus that made Alec feel like he could be entirely honest, entirely himself. “So how did you get into law enforcement?” Magnus asked. _Oh right! Except for the part where I’m lying to him about my entire life._ At that reminder, the peaceful feeling drained out of Alec, leaving him cold and hollow. He liked Magnus, a lot. The ground beneath his feet was shifting, and when it came to the glittery man sitting across from him, he wasn’t sure he could keep his footing. Every time he looked at Magnus, something new caught his eye: a swipe of shimmer across his cheekbone; the glitter in the corner of his eyes; the slight upturn at the sides of his mouth, even when he wasn’t smiling. He was beautiful and funny and smart and way too good for Alec. Magnus was being nothing but honest with him, warm and soft and a little bit dangerous, but here Alec was, feeding him lie after lie about a life he didn’t live. All at once the wine turned sour in his stomach.

Magnus was eyeing him “Darling?” Alec realised he had not answered the question. The corners of Magnus’ mouth turned down as he frowned in concern. Alec did not like that expression on his face. Magnus’ face was made for smiling.

“What’s wrong?” Magnus asked gently.

Alec didn’t know how to reply. The words were all stuck in his throat, clogging the passage and making it hard for him to breathe. He didn’t want to lie to Magnus again, but it wasn’t like he could tell him the truth. He looked at the table in front of him, but he couldn’t really see it. He felt a warm pressure on his hand, and he let it bring him back to himself. Magnus’ hand was resting gently on top of Alec’s, his face full of worry, worry for a boy he hardly knew. A boy who couldn’t even go on a date without freaking out.

Unconsciously, Alec’s hand turned over and the tangled their fingers together.

“There are things you don’t know about me.” Alec settled on saying, already regretting the words as they left his mouth.

“That is what dating is for,” said Magnus carefully, “getting to know each other.”

“But what if you don’t like what you find? What if there are things, I can’t tell you?”

Alec expected Magnus to laugh at his words, or tell him he was being dramatic, or maybe ask him if he had killed someone—which would only lead to more lies. Instead Magnus considered his words carefully, a thoughtful look on his face.

“We all have our secrets.” Magnus gently traced the curve of Alec’s thumb, trailing his finger up and down Alec’s lifeline. “Some are worse than others.” A dark look passed over his face, his brown eyes focused on Alec’s palm, face unreadable. Alec had spent a lot of time looking at Magnus, who was young and beautiful and carefree, but right now. . . the look in his eyes, he seemed different somehow, darker, haunted by a past Alec didn’t know. He looked. . . infinite.

Alec suddenly realised that he hardly knew this man, but he wanted to. He wanted to know what caused that look in his eyes, he wanted to listen to his stories, his past, and hold Magnus close. He wanted to open Magnus up, crawl inside his veins, make a home between his ribs to guard his heart.

The sudden surge of protectiveness and want caught him off guard, but Magnus hadn’t finished talking.

“You can’t let fear or regrets stop you from living your life.” Alec wasn’t sure it was still him Magnus was talking to.

There was a pause, heavy with truths unspoken and secrets buried deep. “For cent—for a while now, I have closed my heart to the possibility of love.  You have unlocked something in me, Alexander.”

Words escaping him Alec squeezed Magnus’ hand. Magnus squeezed back. The silence that settled between them was new but not unwelcome.

***

Magnus, Alec decided, was just a little bit insane. They had finished their dinner when Magnus had suggested they go elsewhere for dessert. The look on his face had been one of hesitant hope, so how was Alec supposed to say no to him, when he looked like that?

They had walked down New York streets heavy with snow. If someone were to come along the path they left, they would see two sets of footprints. At first the prints spanned the width of the sidewalk, but then the space between the footprints slowly grew smaller, until it seemed like one creature, with four legs instead of two, was steadily making its way down the street.

Alec gripped Magnus’ hand tightly in his own as they approached a small store front, lit up invitingly, with white Christmas lights framing its windows. The sign proclaimed the store to have the best gelato in New York and apparently Magnus agreed. Alec raised his eyebrows. They entered the shop, and each ordered a scoop of gelato at the front counter.

As they left Alec couldn’t help but comment on the ridiculousness of what they were doing. “Really Magnus? Ice cream? It’s freezing out.”

Magnus looked affronted. “Alexander _gelato_ is _not_ ice cream.”

Alec looked at him pouting in the snow, small white flakes falling like stars into his dark hair. The light pouring from the window illuminated his silhouette, all the tall dark and handsome edges softened by the glow of the white Christmas lights. It seemed as if the light spilled from Magnus instead, flowing out of him to illuminate the street. Alec may have had angel blood running in his veins, but right then, Magnus seemed an angel in his own right.

Underneath Alec the ground rolled, breaking apart. Alec looked at Magnus and fell.

Magnus’ lips were warm against his, slightly chapped from the cold. The contact only lasted for the briefest of moments before Alec pulled back. Magnus had his eyes closed. As they opened, all the light of the evening focused on Alec and he was caught in it. He surged forward again, hands resting delicately on either side of Magnus’ face. This time Magnus met him in the kiss, his hands going to Alec’s hips. Alec’s head was full of white lights and Magnus. His lips were oh so gentle, even as his grip on Alec’s hips tightened. He tasted sweet, of strawberry and lemon. Alec let out a soft sigh as they separated, the mist of his breath clouding the air between them. He still held Magnus’ face between his hands, his thumbs stroking along the other man's cheekbone as they pressed their foreheads together.

Magnus, Alec thought, was wrong, it was the best gelato in the _world_.

***

Alec found Isabelle lounging on her bed at the institute. Clary was sitting across from her, and there was a pile of mundane magazines between them.

“You’re blushing.” Izzy commented as soon as he entered.

“No I’m not,” he denied quickly. “It’s just really cold outside.” He gestured at his sweater, still a little damp at the collar from the melted snow.

“No,” said Clary, “you’re definitely blushing.”  Alec turned a glare on her, but she seemed indifferent to it.

“Oooh! Is this about that cute mundane boy who gave you his number?” Izzy asked.

“Did you guys go out again?” Clary added excitedly.

“What do you mean _again_!?” The look on Izzy’s face was nothing short of betrayed.

Alec rolled his eyes at the two of them. “Yes, I saw him again. We went for dinner.”

Izzy made an indignant sound at that.

“Sorry I didn’t tell you sooner, Iz.” He hadn’t meant to keep it a secret exactly, but he hadn’t been sure how to bring it up. He also hadn’t been sure the whole thing wasn’t a terrible mistake, and he hadn’t wanted to get her hopes up.

“It’s fine. Or it will be if you tell me everything,” Izzy said.

Alec told them about getting gelato and walking Magnus home. Pressed by Izzy, Alec had conceded that there had been a quick kiss.  He did not, however, provide any details about that first kiss on the street, nor confess to the longer, more intimate second kiss on the steps of Magnus' building.

Alec had walked back to the institute. It had been a long walk in the cold, but Alec had needed the time to process his whirling mess of thoughts and feelings.

By the time he'd reached the institute, he knew there was no way he was going to give Magnus up.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks as always to HopeSilverheart for all of her help :)

**Author's Note:**

> So this is my first fic. I hope it's not too awful so far! Updates should be somewhat frequent. Also if any of you lovely people (assuming anyone reads this) want to beta read let me know. Otherwise the grammar will continue to be shit.  
> Ta for now! Kisses.


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